In a recent Lower Decks episode, “Cupid’s Errant Arrow,” Boimler asked the computer to replicate the “coolest people in Earth history” … so he could impress his girlfriend, who he thought was not being faithful to him. Of course, he was wrong, but we did get to see Boimler’s cool clothes.
Here’s what we think the computer came up with for our favorite purple-haired ensign:⠀
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PINK SUNGLASSES
Pop star Rhianna is known to wear pink shades, and she’s amazingly cool. We are pretty sure that she inspired the pink sunglasses that Boimler wore. This choice was not without controversy, as friend of Trek Report, the one they call Trek Lad, pointed out that former Canadian WWE wrestler Brett “The Hitman” Hart also wore pink sunglasses. The team at Trek Report is sticking to this conclusion.
GOLD CHAINS
In 1980s Earth, no one was cooler than MR. T. Gold chains were just one part of his look. The guy did it all. He was in Rocky III, starred on the A-Team, and he had his own cereal and animated cartoon. He even played Santa for the President of the United States. For a few years, the man could do anything, and he wore a bunch of gold chains… just like Boimler.
Boimler’s cool clothes got just a fraction of the gold chains that Mr. T used to wear. But Mr. T was a big guy. I’m not sure Boimler could have even stood up if he tried to wear that many chains.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL
Joe Montana won four Super Bowls, and part of the reason he did was because he was “cool under pressure.” They even called him “Joe Cool,” because during one of his Super Bowl wins, his teaam was freaking out. He pointed to a famous comedian in the stands, which changed the mood of his team. They won the game. We think Boimler is meant to be holding a Joe Montana-style American football.
PINK BOOTS
Lady Gaga wore pink boots in her video “Stupid Love.” Who is cooler than Lady Gaga? Word is that she bought those pink boots on Amazon for just $41. Who else could make $41 boots look so good? We rest our case.
GREEN CHUCK TAYLORS
The guy who really started Grunge in the 1990s, Kurt Cobain wore Converse all the time. He was so cool, he made sweaters fashionable again. Nirvana was pretty much the most iconic rock band from the era.
LEATHER JACKET
Marlon Brando wore one just like this one in “Rebel Without A Cause.” We could have gone with Elvis from his famous “‘68 Comeback Special” show as well, but we reverted to Brando. Why? Word is that Elvis so loved the movie that he bought motorcycles so he could play the part in real life.
STARFLEET JACKET
In a non-canon role, Donald Duck wore a Starfleet jacket in an Epcot Center project a while back. Though this would be a major fashion and branding faux pas, since Star Wars is a Disney property now. But, everyone knows Donald is the coolest Disney character. Sorry Mickey. ⠀
